2016

     Now tends to be the time of year when people post really reflective things often accompanied by artistic/abstract pictures, often related to the past year. I decided it was time to join the masses.

     If you had told me at the beginning of this year that I would be where I am today, and be the person I am today, I might not have believed you. I welcomed 2016 lonely, stressed, and honestly wondering if there was any hope that I could be genuinely happy again. I was an expert at the public "good girl" face. I had good grades, friends who thought they really knew me, and about a hundred things that I hid beneath the surface.

      If I had to choose one word to describe this past year for me, I think it would be 'metamorphosis'. This past year has been a series of journeys, some which have concluded and some which I will continue in the upcoming year. And since SoM, I can't help but see all of my growth and progress in three different ways; an upward journey, an inward journey, and an outward journey.

     This year hasn't been an easy one, but it's been one of the best. I really had to trust God that he knew what he was doing. He wasn't going to turn me into someone I wasn't. He actually had good things for me that I would enjoy. He was so capable and wanting to work in and heal me. Above all, he loved me with an all consuming, all powerful love. When, in my mind, he went from being an incapable, passive, manipulative Dad, to a capable, strong, loving Father, I went from being a performance-orientated, shame-based prisoner, to a loved, covered-by-grace daughter.

      The way I viewed myself changed too. Admittedly, this is still a battle I face every day, but it's amazing what happens when you begin to realize your identity and your worth. It's amazing what happens when you realize just how much you're loved, and just how much you matter. Choosing to walk in my identity hasn't been easy, but it's been so rewarding. Waking up and saying to myself, "I am beautiful. I am bold. I am loved. I am worth being loved", has changed my mindset, my relationships, and the way I carry myself in my life. I went from a place of hiding, to a place of living.




     And this year, I gained so many new, wonderful friends, and built on some already great relationships, making my life just that much richer. God's really taught me so much about opening up to people, choosing to trust, letting my walls down, being real about where I am and where I've been.

Again, it hasn't been easy, but the friendships that have resulted are so life-giving. This year, I've been surrounded both physically and spiritually with various communities that have loved me and I've loved back.

 
   



I've learned to be more comfortable taking risks too. I'm naturally a planner, but this year God's challenged me to be more spontaneous, to trust him more. I've shared my heart more and been more vulnerable. I've stepped out in my faith and shared with people I didn't know. I've moved across the country in an act of faith and it's actually turning out really cool.

I think overall, what I really began to do this year is trust and risk being bold. Trust that my heavenly Father loves me and holds me, and out of that place, choose to live boldly and fearlessly.

I'm excited to see what 2017 holds for me.

Here's to the next chapter.