Beginning

Breathe.

In,

And then out again.

I stand at the start,

Or the end,

I can’t really tell anymore.

All I know is that my feet

Have started walking on different ground.

And it’s new,

Different,

Unknown.

You tell me not to fear,

You tell me that you hear

Every prayer,

Every cry,

Every time I close my eyes

And whisper,

“Daddy”.

But you know me,

And you know how I like things to be

Planned out,

Prepared,

Thought through,

Seen.

I don’t do well with spontaneity,

And I’m not very good at trusting you to lead.

And asking me to dream is like asking me

To give up the plan and the key

To the box that holds

My future.

Safe,

And secure,

And locked up with me.

You say that you’re holding me close,

And you won’t let me go.

That my hope is safe

Within your plan.

And that even when I don’t understand

How things could end well,

And I wish you would just tell me

The ending of this story,

You really are fighting for me.

I can’t really see,

And I don’t have a plan,

I’m choosing to trust,

It’s all in your hands.

I’m choosing to trust

That you really do love me,

And even when I fall,

Your grace is abounding.

And even when I’m terrified

Of what’s coming next,

Your heart is true,

And your plan is the best.

And that’s why I’m giving you

My map that I’ve made.

Enough of my plans,

I’ll trust in your way.

Take my hand.

Guide me,

Lead me,

Show me which way to go.

Lead me past sorrow,

Past hopelessness,

Past despair,

Past anywhere

That would try to tear me from you.

I can’t do this on my own,

And I’m done with the shame,

That tells me I’m not enough

To see your mercies each day.

You say I’m your daughter,

You say that I’m loved,

You say that I am

More Than Enough.

I’ll admit I’m scared,

But I won’t let that control me.

I’m told the first step is hardest,

But it’s most crucial to the journey.