Refuge

I've started this post three times and deleted it every time. The truth is, I don't totally know what to say, so I'm just going to start writing.

Today has been hard.

Today is one of those days that seems so heavy. When the burdens I've been carrying seem too much, and I stumble and drop everything I've been working so hard to carry.

There is so much out of my control right now. So much. Like literally the things that I can't control outnumber the things I can by about fifty billion percent. And I've grown a lot in the past two years. I'm way better at accepting things I can't control than I used to be.

And then there are times like now when the things I can't control build up more and more, under I'm overwhelmed and tired and it all just falls apart. And I just want to sit in bed all day and ignore the world and bury my head under a pillow and pretend the world didn't exist.

And it's times like this when I'm so happy that Jesus is there for me when I collapse.

So glad that he is so much stronger than I am.

So grateful that he is in control of all things I can't be in control of.

And it's days like these when everything seems to fall apart that he seems to be the only constant in my life.

Today is hard. And I can't pretend it isn't.

But he is stronger, and so I'll fall apart on him, and trust that he can handle all of the things that I can't.